Ok...here it goes...brace yourself to be bombarded with self-disclosure.
December 7, 1988- This is the day I was violently ejected from the womb...first born...slick headed...loud...perfect I like to think. I was 5 lb. 15 oz. of undeniable preciousness. I arrived 2 weeks early...which i think I owe my perpetual promptness to(i hate being late more than anything...whooooole other story). I'd like to think this was the best day of my parent's life...don't tell my siblings.
December 7, 1991- My third birthday...I have some memories before this but they are clouded with baldness and lots of pastels(i try to block those out). I vividly remember this one though...I begged my mom for a pink cake with orange cats on it...I hate cats by the way....My mom dressed me in a denim jumpsuit...red turtleneck and a big ass red bow...I was stylin'. I cartwheeled out of the bathroom into our living room announcing that I, the birthday girl had arrived! I was the life of the party from a very young age. Mom pulled through with the cake...it was exactly what I wanted(bright pink with a terrifying red tabby cat on it).
The rest of my early childhood was filled with traveling around the world with my mom and my dad...who is famous in his own respect...(i know you're probably wondering why but suck information would distract you from my story...and hey... this blogs about me so I'll keep the focus there...i'll tell you at some point if you really want to know.)
May 10, 1995- I am no longer an only child...My baby brother who i notoriously picked on his enitre child hood is born.(I am being brutally paid back for the picking...he's a wrestler and bigger than me...i had it coming)
March 26, 1997-I am even less of an only child. God blessed our little family with a perfectly pink...bouncing...projectile vomiting little girl. She looks just like me...lucky kid.
April 11, 2000-The last of the siblings arrives. The baby...to this day...a 9 year old...stubborn...cute as hell...baby. She looks like me too...more and more all the time.
**my childhood was filled with many exciting things but those three were way more important than all that...and this can't get too long or I would lose your interest. Don't worry..I'm not offended...I know how this blog thing works.
August 2003- I venture into high school. I was awkward....cute...but awkward. I was in a new school and making new friends(only 2 of which I still talk to on occasion...just the way it goes I guess). I met the bane of my young existence this year...we shall call him Tiny Tim.
May 2004-June 2005 I fall in stupidity with Tiny Tim and spend entirely too much of my young life pulling myself out of it...i dodged a bullet...well maybe not dodged completely but I got out with all my limbs in tact.
December 19, 2005- My cool points jumped to a new high. I got my drivers license...and a brand new(well used...but new to me) bright red camaro. That was the coolest car ever. I do however blame it for my speeding habit. Who drives a camaro the speed limit? I sure as hell didn't...4 speeding tickets and an accident later Dad got me a way more practical...black car...what a buzzkill.
May 2007-graduate high school at a respectable ranking....i used to be a way better student(at the time i didn't have my current bad attitude about wasting my time in classes that i gain nothing but 3 hours credit and a book that i can no longer sell back)
August 2007- junior college
May 2008-leave junior college....
June 2008- make a lifelong friend...lets call her Sydney Barstow(this might be her favorite fictional character ever...i think she would be flattered.)
August 2008- Start classes at University #1.
October 2008- 
Barbara Jean comes into my life and soon becomes my favorite thing on the planet. I loved her unconditionally from the start. She is now 48 lbs. of perfect.
Barbara Jean comes into my life and soon becomes my favorite thing on the planet. I loved her unconditionally from the start. She is now 48 lbs. of perfect. March 2009-start to realize how much i do not belong at University #1 (for many reasons that I am not at liberty to discuss with you, blog world...sorry.) Discuss this with mom, dad, Sydney Barstow...and Bruce Wayne(one of the friends I still talk to from high school...who would be equally flattered and confused by the name i dubbed him) and decided that the only thing to do was start a new adventure...so I did...I picked up and went to a place all of you I'm sure have longed to visit...the hip, posh, and utterly fabulous...Arkansas.
(I might be from Texas...but I'm as city as one could be...this was a culture shock to say the least.
August 2009-present- meet and get to know some of the most interesting and amazing people in existence...that totally appreciate my hilarity and personality...where have they been my whole life? Evidently in Arkansas...
I read back over this...and i left a ridiculous amount of information out...but...i think you've got the basics...enough to at least know of the people i might blog about.
To recap...
--University #2=most perfect place in the universe for me(I will assign super fun names to all my friends here and tell you of our adventures in the future)
--Barbara Jean=best. dog. ever.
--siblings 1,2,3=funniest people i know...they will be good inspiration for my stories and furthermore your entertainment in future episodes on sarcassistic.
--mom and dad=been married for crazy long time...still in love...the still hold hands and go on dates kind of love...it's cute...and makes me painfully aware of my singleness. They've got it figured out.
--Sydney Barstow=partner in crime
--Bruce Wayne=kinda the only man in my life...that i shall never date...he will also be inspiration for future posts...be looking forward to that folks)
For those of you who didn't give up on me and read through my extensive time line...I am grateful...and now I dub you....Super Fans....I will remember you when I become famous.
Thanks for reading...stay tuned for more sacarssism and adventures...you're the best.
B.